Katamari Hearts
by RinRan
Summary: Kingdom Hearts meets Katamari Damacy! Organization XIII has return, but not for revenge. In fact, they want to make the world a better place...by collecting heart-related objects and ultimately creating stars! Crack with a plot. -ON HIATUS-
1. Day One

Hello! RinRan here...and I do not own Kingdom Hearts I & II or Katamari Damacy! Both are already heavily crack-induced, so there's no need to send them both to the emergency room. XD

Author's note: Just like many of ya'll out there, I wrote this fanfic out of fantasy and being high (not literally though, in my case). This idea came from my love of both games and a few inspirational pictures out of Photobucket. This is all in good fun, so don't go suing people (especially me) for...whatever reason you sue people for.

I would like to thank SambiH2Opolo for being my editor. And friend. And fellow anime fanatic. Woot!

Ooookay, I'm done yapping. Enjoy the fic. XP

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Day One

In the beginning, the Great Cosmos-if you must call it that-was an empty place. It was devoid of light. It was devoid of people (except for a few exceptional few). Actually, it was devoid of pretty much everything, except for the said exceptional few.

There were thirteen of them, and while many have gone to seek their fortune or to do some random shit, only two remain as a group.

So, technically...there were two of them.

The leader of the ex-thirteen-turned-two-group-otherwise-known-as-an-organization-but-can-no-longer-be-called-that-since-there-are-barely-any-members was a dark fellow, physically and emotionally. You see, he had lost his heart literally, and if he wasn't such a pompous turd one might have mistaken him for being the emo of all emos.

The leader was and still is formally known to many, enemies and acquaintances, as the Superior.

Now, the Superior has done some number of stupid shit when he was young, thus leading to the inevitable loss of his heart to the darkness, which, eventually, lead to him turning emo and giving passionate speeches about hearts. When the end was almost realized one day in the bathroom, while during a daily shave, the Superior beheld a vision of light.

Actually the light was from the bulbs atop the mirror, but to an emo at the end of his wits, it was revelation.

The Superior was overcome with so much non-existent emotion that he drew the razor blade away from his wrists and quickly dressed, then teleported to his Meeting Room, which was coincidentally non-existent. With much energy, he hastily wrote a letter, handed it to one of the many Dusks that still hung around his castle-which was also non-existent-and then threw the Dusk into a recently summoned portal. And he waited.

And waited.

And waited.

He waited, strummed his fingers on the armrest of his chair, and then waited some more. Finally, when he was just about tired of waiting and was about ready to leave, a portal formed across the room from him. From it stepped out another figure clad in the same black leather fashion that the Superior had always wore. Only, there were two distinct differences:

One, this newcomer was white, with blonde hair and blue eyes.

Two, he was considerably short.

"NUMBER 13!" the Superior's voice boomed, echoing off the whitewash walls of the non-existent room. "YOU ARE LATE!"

Number 13 crossed his arms. "Forgive my tardiness, Superior. I was too busy trying to decode the message I received before realizing it was your hand-writing. Care to explain, sir?" he solemnly responded. The Superior hated when Number 13 did that; it makes the boy sound more intelligent than him.

A sigh escaped the Superior's lips. Amber eyes glared at blue ones for a few moments. "You...did not...read the memo, Number 13?"

"How can I, sir?" was the boy's tart reply, as he thrust the note under the well-cut nose of the Superior. The Superior took it and was about to open his mouth to speak, but then quickly shut it. A quizzical glance met a serious stare, and he cleared his throat. Now that he actually looked at his own note, he couldn't make head or ass out of the writing.

"My apologies, Number 13," he said, receiving a silent nod from the boy. "Very well, it seems that I must repeat my thoughts verbally.

As you can see, this place we are in...it is cold and dreary. It is dark and miserable. It is tiresome and-"

"In other words, boring as hell?"

"Do not interrupt me, Number 13!" The boy only shrugged. "Now, I was thinking...what if we were to, shall I say...brighten up the place? Give it a much more pleasant vibe. Also it will make up for the horrible, inevitable ends that SquareEnix had put us through."

Number 13 blinked. "You mean our dea-"

"SHH! Don't say that word. It's such an appalling word."

Number 13 blinked again, and frowned. "But I don't understand, sir. If we really did you-know-what, or in my case, merged with myself...how is it that we are standing here, as we did back then?"

"Perhaps this is a sign that God wishes for us to repent for our terrible mistake of extracting hearts for our own selfish reasons." The Superior mused, rubbing his chin while his eyes narrowed out of impulse. Number 13 hated when he did that, for it reminded him of a pedophile. A certain red haired, pyrokinetic maniacal pedophile...

"Number 13, you are making such a strange face..."

"Sorry, sir."

"Do you have something against...God, Number 13?"

_Is there even such a person? I didn't even no we had a religion!_ "No, sir. Please, continue?"

"As I was saying...the Great Cosmos-if we must call it that-is in need of light, as well as we ourselves do. And that, my young Key-bearer, is what we are going to give it. My dear Number 13...WE ARE GOING TO CREATE STARS!!!"

Silence.

"...Pardon me?"

"We are going to do the Great Cosmos a favor, Number 13. It needs more stars, more beauty-"

"But sir, there are many worlds out there already. And if I do recall, _planets are in a way stars._"

"...Well, it will at least give us something to do, no?"

Number 13, the Key of Destiny, would have screamed in frustration and commit suicide at this point if he was OOC. However, he didn't, and merely shrugged off the lame-excuse-for-an-explanation. He wondered why he hadn't left with the rest of his fellow members. Oh, right-the red-haired, pyrokinetic maniacal pedophile...

The Superior, Number One, sensed that he was losing Number 13. He quickly coughed and regained his posture, in case he had lost it during the speech and had failed to notice.

"This is our mission: we are to collect as many heart-related objects in order for a star to be born! We will roll them all into a ball...and this shall be our weapon of renewal!" The Superior dramatically took out...a ball-shaped thing from thin air, and tossed it to Number 13, who caught it warily. It did not make him better to find that it was somewhat sticky on the surface; not in an unpleasant way as to leave your fingers feeling sticky after touching it, but it was sticky none the less.

"...It's quite small, sir." Number 13 said, frowning.

"Indeed it is, Key-bearer."

"This is to roll up many, countless objects associating with hearts...and turn into a star?"

"It IS quite sticky, Number 13."

"...How...fun."

The Superior smiled; his eyes glinted with renewed ambition. "It will be..." he purred, sending shivers down the leather-clad back of Number 13.

Number 13 played with the ball, and performed moves there were unknown to him, such as 'a pump fake' and 'a screw shot'. The ball never left his hand, unless-to his newfound amusement-he wanted to.

"So, how are we to carry this out?" he asked the older man, after chucking the ball into his face. The Superior rubbed his sore face gently.

"'We', Number 13? No, it is YOU who is to carry this out. No, do not give me that 'WTF' look. It is only natural for one of lower rank to do, shall I say, the dirty work? And you, who are after all Number 13, are the lowest of the low. Also consider it punishment for damaging my dark, handsome complexions."

Number 13 sighed. This is going too far... "Sir, I believe I must voice against this. This would practically be child labor."

"I am sorry, but it cannot be child labor, because for it to be 'child' you'll have to be a child; but YOU, Number 13, are a TEENAGER."

"But I'm still under eightee-"

"I could always call _him_ back."

"...When do I begin, Superior?" Number 13 bowed his head glumly. The older man smirked at this, having known this weakness for a while, but was merely waiting for the right time to exploit it.

"You will begin...NOW!" He chuckled at the boy's sudden jump to his feet. "Do not worry-this is merely a trial run, so that you may feel familiar with this-"

"What IS it?"

"Quiet, Number 13, I was just about to explain. It is...Hmm...It is known as...what was it? Oh yes-I remember!" The Superior tucked away a note into the coat of his pocket. This disturbed Number 13 greatly, adding more pressure to his already build up stress-_he had not seen the Superior took out a piece of paper at all during the talk._

"Number 13? Are you sure you are all right?"

"...Yes, sir. Please, continue?"

"Right. This, my young Key-bearer, will be your new weapon and companion during this long, fun-filled mission. This...is a Katamari!"

Number 13 shook his head in disbelief. "My new...weapon?! But...my Keyblade! What do I do with...with..._this_, make the enemies irritated by sticking it on to them?!? IT'S TINY!!!" He yelled angrily, but still retaining his composure.

"The Keyblade will be of no use to you in this mission. It is simply not sticky enough to hold and contain the items," The Superior stated matter-o'-factly. "But if it makes you comfortable..." Out of nowhere, another Katamari formed, this time dropping into Number 13's free hand. It was of equal size and stickiness. As expected, the Superior received a questioning look from the boy. "I see you are confused. It's really quite simple; you are used to having TWO Keyblades. By having two Katamari, that feeling of loss should be made up for."

"I thank you for your...thoughtfulness?" the boy answered, still befuddled. However, the Superior took no notice of this and merely waved it off as if it were gratitude-which, it wasn't.

"Excellent, Number 13. Now, get some rest-you will begin training tomorrow."

The boy bowed, and disappeared into a portal behind him-not before shooting a murderous glare to his Superior. Fortunately for him, the said Superior did not see, as he had at that exact moment glanced up at the ceiling, smiling.

"...Perhaps...Kingdom Hearts may be resurrected again. Perhaps this Katamari will be the answer-the key to unlocking the secrets of it. Perhaps we can actually have chicken instead of beef." The Superior raised an eyebrow at his last remark. Lately, ever since he had discover the magical, sticky ball, he has been saying a lot of OOC things and acting OOC-like that contrast with his emo Superior personality, just as his hair and skin tone was. He was also breaking the fourth wall quite often.

Number 13, on the other hand, had not notice his changes. Despite several time about to go OOC without realizing and breaking the fourth wall occasionally, he remained quite indifferent. Before he slipped into bed, he placed the two Katamaris next to him on the night stand, and turned off the light.

_And so ends...DAY ONE._

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Remember, reviews are loved! It makes the world a better place-in my mind. XD


	2. Day Two

Hello again! Gentlemen. Let the insanity...SEMI-OFFICIALLY BEGIN!!!

Author's note: I do not own KH I & II or Katamari Damacy. Had I, there really would have been a mini game in KH II where you can play as Zexion and roll up stuff! He needs lovin'. 3

Speaking of Zexy...

_I'm bringin' Zexy back (yeah). The other members don't know how to act (yeah). I think Demyx's gonna have a heart attack (yeah). So I think we better cut him some slack (yeah)._

Final Mix +, here I come! XD

Thanks to SambiH2Opolo for tolerating my ungrammatical-ness.

_...Chicken._

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**Day Two**

"Number 13...Tell me. What is a Katamari? Is it big? Is it small? Is it fun? What does it taste like?"

"Sir, the Katamari is small-not big...I'm sure that it will probably not be fun...And honestly, I was kind of hoping you hadn't ask me such a question as the last one."

"Cheeky, Number 13. Quite cheeky."

Number 13 groaned inwardly and crossed his arms. He blinked several times, trying to shake the sleepiness off his eyelids, much to no avail. It was early morning, even if one could not tell by the constant, never-changing non-existent atmosphere of the world. Outside one of the many large, non-existent mirrored windows, the dark clouds swirled in their usual ominous way against the dreary tapestry that was the sky. Rain had begun to fall, with its usual pitter-pattering sound filling the vast empty halls of the non-existent castle.

It would have been another usual, dreary day -- if the Superior had not insisted on having another meeting.

The Superior peered down at the younger and much smaller member from his throne-like seat. "Today, as you know, is your training day. You will transport yourself to the world that I have chosen personally, and there you will await further instructions. Is that clear?"

He received one nod as response.

"Excellent. Any questions?"

"What is the world I will be warping myself to?"

"Ah, to the point as always, Number 13. The world is known as...Tranverse Town. It was originally a world born due to the destruction of many worlds; all on behalf of my other-self meddling with darkness. When the Key Bearer...Sora, was it? Yes, when Sora had restored many of the worlds in what was known as _the first game_, Tranverse Town was left empty and barren-"

"Traverse Town."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's 'TRAverse Town', sir, not 'TRANverse Town'."

"...Is it really? I could have sworn it was-"

"It's not. Whoever had told you must either be drunk, have an affinity for play-on words, or is bi."

"...What if...all three actually DO apply?"

"...It was _him_, wasn't it?" moaned Number 13. The Superior nodded sympathetically, to which the young blonde responded with an even louder, helpless moan. "Why...why?!"

"Because it is your fate to be screwed on so early into this story."

"NO!" shouted Number 13, crossing his arms in front of himself and bring them down in a slashing motion. It was an act of defiance, something the Superior was no stranger to, but was still annoyed by nonetheless.

"Listen to yourself, Number 13. You're sounding like a child."

"But I AM a child!"

"...Well, grow up."

"When Peter Pan does."

"Hmm...drat. That will probably be never."

"EXACTLY."

"Well, just accept it so that we may continue on with our seemingly plot-less story," snapped the Superior, glaring in the most menacing way possible at his young subordinate. Much to his surprise, the ever-rebellious Number 13 actually flinched and shut up. "Now that the matter has been settled, you will immediately transport yourself to Tran-err...TRAVERSE TOWN, and await further instructions. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Tuh-riffic. Well, carry on." The Superior smiled pleasantly, causing Number 13 to cringe. However, before he could mentally formulate an explanation on why it had caused him to do so -so that the readers may understand- he heard the 'fwoosh' sound of a portal forming behind him. The blonde ex-Keyblade-now-Katamari-wielder turned slowly to look behind him. Sure enough, there was the portal _not_ of his creation.

Number 13 turned around, confused, and asked, "Sir?"

"You take WAY too long, young one," was the Superior's response. Then, with lightning speed, the dark man threw two Katamaris at Number 13's head. They stick to his forehead, much to the blonde's dismay, causing him to topple backwards, head first into the black swirling mass of...nothingness.

The last thing that Number 13 could remember was the Superior's deep bass voice, saying, "Mmm...pie."

Or maybe that was just his mind.

That would probably explain why he was starting to get hungry...Wait-what?

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Darkness...

Darkness...

Darkness...

No, what you, dear reader, have just read was not a typo.

Number 13 slowly stirred. From the fact that his vision was horizontal and that he could feel the cold sting of the cobbled street against his cheek, he mentally deduced that he had fallen out of the portal and is currently lying on the ground. Additional factors of the dim lighting of the area and countless of wooden crates and barrels also helped him confirm that he had been teleported into an alley. _My body has not become stiff yet and the coldness is still sharp, meaning that I must have arrived not too long ago_, the boy thought. _Good._

With a grunt, Number 13 pushed himself off the ground, and surveyed his surroundings properly. The neon lights, the stone-and-wood buildings, the sleepy jazz music-there were no mistakes about it; this was Traverse Town.

"...Well, I better get into work then."

"_Indeed."_

Number 13 froze. Every strand of hair on his body stood on its end at recognition of that voice. "...Superior?" he called out hesitantly.

"_You called?"_

"What are you doing here?"

"_Monitoring you, of course. I have to make sure you do not mess up or anything of that sort."_

"I thought this was a test run."

"_Is having you making a good first impression too much to ask, Number 13?"_

Number 13 sighed, his head dropped down in defeat. There was never a 'normal' with this guy. With him, everything had to be extravagant. "Sir, I'm sure I can manage just fine without your...monitoring."

"_Ah, but do you know WHAT to do exactly, or how to even WIELD the Katamaris?"_

_...Shit._ "No, sir."

"_Then shut up and listen, Number 13."_

Before Number 13 could process OOC thoughts in his head, such as suicide or causing bodily harm to himself, a Katamari appeared out of nowhere in front of him. It was the exact same one that the blonde had first received. However, it was significantly bigger-about two feet in diameter to be specific. While he was inspecting the Katamari, the Superior's over done velvety voice began to speak_. "As you may have noticed, the Katamari has grown a considerable amount or considerably in size. This will prove quite useful in your journey to collect as many heart-related objects as possible._

_Now, place two hands atop the Katamari. Good. All right, now...roll it forward...backward...left...right...diagonally...over that barrel...now against the wall, up, across...Excellent, you're a natural, Number 13!" _

Number 13 gave a small smile. Now that he actually put it into the action, the Katamari proved to be fun. He could almost call the feeling of rolling the sticky ball enjoyable and even addicting. The Superior's voice must have somehow sense this, because it then spoke up again in an amused tone. _"Enjoyable, yes? It gets better. Go to the middle of the First District."_

Upon leaving the alley and arriving at the place, Number 13 gave a gasp as the ground suddenly became strewn with Munny-LOTS of it. Big ones and small ones, all scattered openly for all.

"_Here, Number 13, is your first assignment: roll up all the Munny using what I have just taught you."_

"Hmph. Simple enough," smirked the young Organization member, firmly placing his hands atop the Katamari. He slowly began to push, rolling the ball along over the Munny. Chiming filled the air as each Munny made contact with the Katamari. Number 13 grew more confident, and quickened his pace. His hands worked faster to keep control of the rolling Katamari. Soon his running sped up to keep up with the speed. In no time at all, Number 13 cleared up most of the area, picking up all the Munny that got into his way.

"Roxas. All right. Roll, roll, _roll_."

Number 13, who we now know to be Roxas, froze. The warm, stickiness of the ball seemed to slip away, leaving cold numbness in his hands. He was afraid to look behind him, and yet there was some strange urge to; a small hope that it was NOT the person he thought the new voice belong to.

Five uncomfortable, silent minutes passed. Unable to stand it any longer, Numb-ROXAS turned around to face the newcomer.

"Oh please dear God--NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

_And so ends...DAY T-_

"Oh hell no, bitch! I just barely got h-!"

"YES, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD-END!!!"

"_Ah, so you DO believe in God NOW, Number 13."_

"What the-?"

"END!!!"

_...And so...temporarily-_

"NO! FOREVER!"

_-TEMPORARILY. Ends...DAY TWO._

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I had to. He needed to be bashed-the inner fangirl in me cries out!!! Anyways, leaving ya'll with a cliff hanger for thought. Consume and enjoy.

Reviews are appreaciated! I have one so far! WHOOO!!! XD


	3. Day Three

_Bada-da-daa...Bada-da-daa..._

_Bada-da-daa...Bada-da-daa..._

_Take a look at my fanfic..._

_It's the only one I got..._

_Not much of a fanfic..._

_I can never seem to get them up..._

Author's Note: ...I need to get my own connection. And I do not own KH or KD. I'm already high off chlorine as it is. XD

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Day Three

(...because it technically started at 12:01 a.m.)

It was a breezy, sleepy summer evening in the world of Tran-er…Traverse Town. Take a look around. The drifting inhabitants and the Moogles have long left the place barren ever since the worlds had been restored. All that remains are the sleepy atmosphere, soft jazz background music, and two people that are considered to be part of a group that technically wasn't supposed to exist.

There are two of them, as I have just written.

The first of the pair (we describe him as 'first' because he made an appearance in this story much earlier than the other one) is Number 13, who we now know to be Roxas. Small in built, golden hair that shimmers in the light, blue eyes that glares with such ferocity-in short, he is an emo, blond kid.

The other was a tall, lanky red head with crazed green eyes and an even more crazed smile planted upon his face. His wildly spiked hair gave anyone who had met him the impression of untamed fire, although 'untamed' hardly cuts it at all. Along with the strange markings below his eyes, he's basically what you would call a demented freak.

At least, in Roxas's mind.

"What are you doing here, Number 8?" he grumbled at the red head, who looked about him absent-mindedly, noticed a 5-munny piece, picked it up, and hid it in the (technically) non-existent pocket of his (technically) non-existent black coat that was made for (technically) non-existent people like him.

"Now, now, no need to get formal there, Roxy," Number 8 smirked, "call me by my real name. You know-Axel."

Roxas crossed his arms in front of him and threw them down in his infamous Act of Defiance. "No!" he yelled, still glaring at the older man.

Number 8, who we now know to be Axel, sighed and shook his head. "Man, talk about being a you-know-what with a capital B. After that break we had, I thought you'd soften up a bit."

"I can never 'soften up' if you're in the picture!"

"Then we'll just have to try and make this picture perfect, eh?" Axel spread his arms and concentrated his energy, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out what he was about to do next. Roxas gulped. If he had his Keyblades, then he could easily defend himself. However, all he had right now was munny and a very big katamari.

"Oh, snap."

Axel smirked. "What's wrong? Even the Keyblades have deserted you-What the-?!?!"

Both Roxas and Axel gasped in disbelieve at what was in the red head's hands. Instead of the usual pair of eight-pointed chakrams...there were two identical balls, red and black, of surprising stickiness. Axel stared frantically from one katamari to the other, rapidly waving his arms up and down in an attempt to rid his hands of them.

"_S__o, YOU possess the power as well, Number 8."_

"Mansex?! What the hell happened to my chakrams?" demanded Axel, still waving his arms like a loony. They were starting to get very tired, thanks to the weight of the two katamaris.

'Mansex' apparently didn't take a liking to his nickname, for a while there was a long, strained silence. Axel sighed and shook his head. "Alright, let's try this again-SUPERIOR, what the ech-eeh-double-hockey-sticks happened to my chakrams?"

"_Gone."_

"What do you mean 'gone'?!"

"_They are gone, Number 8. 'Gone' as in 'no more', 'ka-poof', 'adios amigos'. They are gone, because you possess the power."_

Axel blinked and narrowed his eyes. He turned to Roxas, who out of reflex hid behind the not-quite-large-but-still-large katamari of his own. "What the hell is this fool talking about?" Axel asked blandly, the corner of his right eye starting to twitch.

Roxas shrugged and slowly moved out from hiding. Just as slowly, he tried to remove his hands from the katamari, only to discover that his hands wouldn't budge. He pulled and pulled, much to no avail, until he took a deep breath and concentrated on the katamari. Then, with all his might, Roxas began to run towards Axel, pulling his hands in the process and freeing himself at last. However, due to 8th grade science introduction to physics on the laws of momentum, Roxas' sprint resulted in him tripping over and falling into a roll, landing on his face right in front of his ex-fellow Organization member. There was only one thing to say in this sort of situation, and so he said it:

"Ow."

"Bless you," Axel offered. He then blinked, realized what he had said, and then smack himself in the forehead.

"...Thanks," replied Roxas, ignoring the act. He picked himself up, brush off any speck of dirt that managed to cling onto the leather of his coat. Afterwards, he reached into his pocket, somehow pulling out a thin, neatly-bound booklet that read 'Katamari Hearts' on the cover, and handed it to Axel. The said red head took it-with much difficulty, due to his occupied hands, and stared questioningly, to which Roxas replied, "The reason behind all of this is quite a long story. So instead of me having to waste time by explaining everything to you, you can just read what had happen so far in the last two chapters."

"...Okay?" Sucking in his breath, Axel flipped open the supposed manuscript by blowing at the cover and proceed to read it.

---5 hours passed by---

"Oh...so THAT'S what's happen," Axel said cheerfully, tossing the manuscript of the fanfic over his shoulder. He then glanced at Roxas, who flinched again out of reflex. The red head placed one katamari-occupied hand thoughtfully over his chin and smiled. "So, what happens now?"

Out of nowhere, the Superior's velvety voice boomed out solemnly, _"You will fight one another to the death so that I may eat the loser's remains."_

There was silence-even the jazzy BGM of the world stopped playing with an abrupt scratch. Roxas and Axel stared at one another in horror.

"_...What?"_

"What the beep are you beeping on, you beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep freak?!?!" Axel yelled, to nowhere in particular and not caring that much of his colorful vocabulary had been mysteriously bleeped out for T-rating purposes. Roxas, who also would like to demonstrate his anger, but knew more about self-control, nodded his head in agreement to Axel's demand. They both stare wildly about them, trying to figure out where the voice will be coming from. Not that it would actually make a difference...

There was a moment of supposed pondering, before the Superior answered, _"LSD."_ When this statement was once again met by silence, he clarified more, _"I had some LSD while Number 8 was recapping."_

"Oh, okay then. Good stuff, huh?" replied Axel, shrugging his shoulders. Roxas turned and gave him a 'WTF?!' look, at which the red head grinned crazily and said, "I had some myself, earlier."

"What-the-HELL?!? Where is the...the...STUPID plot?!?" yelled Roxas, slamming his clenched fist angrily into his munny-collected katamari. The katamari made a squeaky noise upon impact, accompanied by chiming and tinkling sounds. In amidst of his non-existent anger tantrum, Roxas felt that punching something that squeaked back was somewhat fun, but the idea of a PWP -without the smut- fanfic was more unbearable. "Does this story even HAVE a plot?!" _Squeak! _"Why the HELL am I EVEN here?!" _Squeak!_ "Why the hell is this EVEN HAPPENING?!?!" _Squeeeeaaak!!!_

"_Plot? Oh, I remember now_!" The Superior coughed and then repeated with more grandeur, _"I have remembered the plot of this story!"_

"Oh dear God," moaned Roxas.

"_The plot is that...Number 13 must roll forth and restore the hearts to the sky! I mean STARS; you must roll forth and-not you, Number 8-restore the stars to the sky by collecting heartsy objects! Objects that contributes to the being of hearts!"_ Meanwhile, the track of the BGM was suddenly switched from that of 'Traverse Town' to 'Hand in Hand'. However, like all videogames, this was never noticed. _"That, my young padwan, is the plot! However, to reach that plot, you must first prove yourself by-"_

"Putting myself out of misery?" Roxas said, suddenly brightening.

"Kissing me?" Axel offered, waggling his short eyebrows in suggestion.

"_No and hell to the motherbeeping no,"_ the Superior rumbled. _"No, what you, Number 13, must do is that you must prove yourself by..."_ the voice took a deep breath and then whispered gravely, _"Defeating Number 8 in a one-on-one match of Katamari rolling action!"_

"Oh, okay," Number 8 and 13 both said mildly.

"_He who can roll the other into his katamari is the victor. And shall be rewarded with __doing anything he pleases to the loser."_

At this Axel's fiery green eyes blazed more brilliantly while the clear blue ones of Roxas' became dull and stone cold. The blond knew that this was an attempt to raise his competitive spirit; the Superior had put him in this sort of situation before, with no mind in what consequences may befall the young Nobody. This time, he knew the Superior had not thought things thorough if he believed that the competition was going to be a mild one. Then again, he never did think things thorough, if he had first paired Roxas with the has-been Organization's flaming nympho, who is NOT a woman, but his hips still don't lie.

"_Are you ready? Begin!"_

A random bell rang out of nowhere, and the two Nobodies knew the time had come. Roxas sprinted back to his katamari and rolled away, plowing through a new batch of munny littering the ground. Axel watched and smirked. He took a step back, brought his hands to his side and raised them. Then, he brought the two semi-large katamaris together and combined them, forming one very large ball.

"...Can he do that?" asked Roxas, his eye twitching.

"_Yes. Yes, he can."_

Roxas cursed incoherently underneath his breath and continued to roll. Axel's katamari was larger than his at the moment. With just a few rolls and collecting, he could easily roll Roxas up and win the game. If Roxas had any hope of winning, he would need to collect a lot more munny than the older Nobody and at a much faster pace. With these thoughts in mind, Roxas sped up his hand movements. There was a flash of light as the katamari spin faster and faster, and soon the blond bulleted through the district. Sounds of munny chiming filled the air.

"Hey, you're pretty good at this, Roxy," grinned Axel, who continued to roll at a normal pace. "Let's see if you like to take me head-on." Suddenly he snorted. "Haha, 'head-on'..."

Roxas rolled his eyes; he will never understand the older member's affinity for crude puns. So instead of trying to, he focused on the growing katamari. It was the same size as Axel's, if not bigger. The munny scattered on the floor is nearly gone, leaving nothing much to contribute to the growth of either unearthly sticky balls. If only there had been a 100-munny piece lying around...

Then, magically from out of nowhere, there it was! A gigantic, diamond-shaped, golden object of currency, lying there underneath the streetlamp. Roxas stared at Axel, who stared right back. Crickets began to chirp dramatically as the two ex-friends stared one another down in a roll-all showdown of sorts. Though they couldn't see him, they could sense the tension in the air, caused by their Superior's heavy breathing. Twenty minutes must have passed when suddenly the velvety voice boomed out the key words: _"GO!!!"_

Both Roxas and Axel broke their eye contact and immediately started sprinting towards the prized munny side by side. It all happened so fast, either because they were moving too fast, or that the katamaris rolling beneath their hands were spinning so fast, or perhaps the scenery moved by too fast...

It all happened within three seconds. The victor was Roxas, who at the moment rolled the munny into his katamari with a triumphant chime. Also, the BGM suddenly changed to that of the Final Fantasy victory theme, but as usual it went unnoticed except by the readers.

Roxas gasped in awe at the sudden growth of his katamari and how the giant munny sticks out of it. He then smiled and in a singsong voice called out, "Oh, Ass-hole..."

Axel, the fanfic proclaimed master of puns and play-on-words, would have twitched in annoyance at how **his** name was defiled in the same manner he had defiled other names. However, one look at the VERY large katamari and one look at his overcame the annoyance. He knew how the shorter blond is when he 'has his way', and not in a good way.

(...By 'good', we mean 'kinky'. So...not in a kinky way. Like, in total pain and suffering. Just thought you'd know.)

The red head immediately turn tail and fled, but before he could have taken one step---

---_SQUISH!_ Roxas rolled Axel up into the Katamari. "Victory is mine!" he cried, and the BGM for the Final Fantasy victory theme return. Oh yes, it was a good day-until everything suddenly went black for a moment, before an array of rainbow colors flashed before his eyes. Blinded by the shockingly gay display of colors, Roxas and the large-Axel-woven katamari toppled backwards, right into a newly open portal.

Traverse Town went on as it was, drifting through the corridors of darkness.

* * *

"Hmm...What do we have here?"

Roxas groaned as his struggled to open his eyes. He could still see the aftereffects of the blinding display of colors: random flashes of light, stills of other objects even when he wasn't looking at them, and the Superior.

Actually, the Superior wasn't one of the side effects of seeing bright, flashy colors, but Roxas thought he ought to be.

He blinked several times, trying to focus. For some strange reason, he was seeing the Superior's handsome mug ten times as large and his body a mile long. He quickly looked down and gasped in amazement; he had been standing on the tip of the Superior's boot the whole entire time! "S-S-Sir...what is the meaning of this?" Roxas squeaked.

"Oh, my form? It's just that I thought it would be a whole lot more dramatic if I were to tower over you when I examine your wonderfully abominable katamari creation," explained the Superior in a matter-of-fact tone. He then flipped his silver tress over his shoulder, at which Roxas shuddered. "Now, let's see here." The Superior tossed the giant katamari lightly in his over-enlarged hand and examined it. "It's quite big, I'll give you that. But...something's...wrong. It feels...kinda slow, this katamari. That won't do, Number 13-a katamari should be large, yes, but also fast. Time is of essence, young one."

Roxas started to protest, wanting to say that he didn't know that he was being timed, otherwise he would have gone faster, and that he didn't know that the katamari actually had rules and guidelines to it, when he suddenly realized that his mouth wouldn't move. No matter how hard he tried to move it, his mouth simply remained clamped shut. He found that very annoying.

The Superior continued on. "However, because this is your first time, I will have to say that you did a rather...satisfactory job in rolling this katamari. Perhaps you will do better."

Roxas tried to say something, but couldn't, so he just rolled his eyes in exasperation instead.

"This katamari...It feels...munny-ish. I say, people crave munny, don't they? Desire is an emotion, and emotions make up the heart. So, I would like to state that munny is an object of the heart, so therefore...Oh! I forgot something." The Superior smiled and moved his other hand –which had been hidden in the shadows for quite sometime- into view, revealing a person. It was Axel. Roxas screamed-mentally, of course. "Ah, Number 8, what are YOU doing here, being rolled into this katamari?"

From what Roxas could see, Axel blinked several time in exaggerated confusion and was about to yell something, probably along the lines of 'What the hell' or 'What do you mean I'm doing here, YOU'RE the one that forced us to roll up one another'. However, Axel's ever loud mouth actually stayed quiet, in the same manner as Roxas. The blond concluded mentally that whenever the Superior was in this mode, no one was allowed to speak at all, except for him. What a vain, pompous prick...

As usual, the Superior never took notice, but he did have a nasty habit of knowing what people think, or tried to think. "What? You were trying to seduce Number 13 to your side so that you can live a technically non-existent life happily ever after, but then was forced to roll against him in an attempt to train him?" Axel's widen his eyes in wonderment, a look that clearly said one thing: Damn, he's good. However, the look went away fast when the Superior turned his head as if to shun him and said, "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Both Roxas and Axel face vaulted in an extremely OOC manner.

"But nevermind that. Just don't let it happen again. As I was saying...Since munny is an object of the heart, therefore-" The Superior coughed majestically in order to make the mood suspenseful, "-I approve this of being a heart of a world!"

With that, he tossed the munny-filled katamari into the air, where it propelled up into the sky. It flew on and on, until it could hardly be seen as anything but a twinkle. Then, there was a flash of light, and a world came into view.

"Lo and behold, **Munny Mars**," boomed the Superior, extending his over-enlarged hand in the direction of the new star, which was indeed a giant munny. "Well, that was fun. Oh yes, Number 13...you'll be sharing your duties with Number 8. Good night." The Superior flashed a brilliant smile before evoking a dark portal and disappeared into it, leaving Roxas and Axel alone in darkness.

Five seconds passed by when Axel grinned. "Sweet..."

"Dear God, what have I ever done to deserve this?" moaned Roxas, burying his face in his hands.

_And so ends...DAY THREE.

* * *

_

And so...it's off to Wonderland they go!

...Please await it faithfully (you've waited about two months. What's another two months gonna hurt? XD).

Oh! Review, por favor! They pay for the drug this story is on.


	4. Day Four

_Star Trekin'...Across Kingdom Hearts_

_On the Gummi Ship Nobody, under Superior!_

_Star Trekin'...Across Kingdom Hearts_

_Only going forward, 'cause-ah crap, I'm out of here._

**Author's Note(s):** Woot! It's that time again---I'M COMPLETELY OUT OF MY MIND AND HATING EVERY SECOND OF JUNIOR YEAR!!! My Beta can testify for that---

**Beta's Note:** Senior year rocks! Whoo! XD

**Author's Note (again):** ...Anywas, it's finally up. And...I would like to dedicate this chapter to the awesomely crazy-wait, can I actually do that without author's consent? Ah, what the hell. Right...I would like to dedicate this chapter to **Fenny Piper**!!! Your Wonderland parodies and crazy Orwell conspiracies are...well, crazy. Like 'shrooms. Yeah. (What happened to Walmart, man?! XD)

Second, to **HeathelFuss**.Thank you for your duct tape, mushroom, and dress idea! You will be happy with this chapter. Very happy. Happy like...Axel in Vegas. Wait-that's Lxord...

Third...**TO EVERYONE ELSE WHO SUPPORTED/REVIEW/READ THIS FIC!** I wuv you! X3

**Beta's Note the 2nd:** What 'bout me?

**Author's Note (gaah!):** ...Anyways...Enjoy this chapter. The next one won't come for a while. So many stories, so little-friggin'-short time thankstomofohomework...Grr...

* * *

**Day Four**

The horror of what is yet to come has not been written yet, so therefore it had never happened.

Unfortunately, this is not the case, and the horror came whether it liked it or not.

* * *

Once upon a time-or maybe twice-there was an unearthly paradise 2,000 light years within the far reaches of space. The world turned on its axis, as it always had for who knows how long. The only queer detail was that it was spinning on its axis upside down, which is entirely impossible. 

Then again, time travel, motion-sensor game consoles that could play all generations of Nintendo games, God, homosexual acts, and Haley Joel Osment playing as Sora all seemed impossible, but they happened at one point or another and thus no one really cared. So the queer detail was written down on a scrap of paper and was thrown into the garbage disposal, destined to be forgotten for all times.

The world itself was strange, considering the fact that there was a time lag upon entering the atmosphere. Like falling into a deep, dark rabbit hole, the journey of falling into a deep, dark rabbit hole was indeed very much like falling into a deep, dark rabbit, the journey of falling into a deep, dark rabbit hole was indeed very much like...

Ooh, déjà vu.

That was what Luxord had thought when he had sat down for a never ending tea party with two of Wonderland's psychopaths. Like all déjà vu, he had a feeling that something bad was going to happen, but could not understand why.

"So, as I was saying," the Mad Hatter began, twirling his fingers in a dramatic way, "why IS a raven like a writing desk?"

_Ooh, déjà vu_, thought Luxord as he took a sip of the tea. He then quickly spit it back out---

**---The tea was actually coffee.**

"Some mad tea party it is indeed if you're to start serving coffee now," grumbled Luxord, pouring the dark contents upon the ground.

"Ah, my bad. Here, try this." The March Hare randomly grabbed a teapot and poured into another randomly grabbed teacup. He handed it to the blond man who had sat down with them since who knows when with a little toss. The teacup spun on the flying saucer upon which it came with and was caught by Luxord, who didn't bother to catch the saucer as well. The saucer disappeared into the bush.

Luxord sipped daintily and spit the liquid back out. "Coke?! What the---?!"

"Hmm...Nope, maybe this." The Mad Hatter grabbed a particularly large teapot with an equally large tea cozy. He struggled with it, poured it into another cup, and handed the cup to Luxord.

He took one look at it and poured it on the ground. "...Milk."

"Whoops. Here!"

"...Orange juice..."

"Maybe this one?"

"...Water."

"Well, that's one part down. Now all we need is the tea bag. In the meanwhile, here."

"...It's the bloody Dormouse."

"Twinkle, twinkle little bat," squeaked the Dormouse sleepily as it stumbled out of the cup and onto the table. It swayed to and fro as it walked, stopped in front of the random teapot. It climbed in and fell into the liquid with a plop, the lid falling neatly back into place. The two men and one rabbit watched keenly the whole time. Their waiting paid off; one minute later the mouse rocketed out of the teapot with a maniacal yell. It whizzed about in the air as if it was some rocket with crack as fuel, all the while singing/screaming, "TWINKLE, TWINKLE WHAT THE (BEEP)!"

Luxord and his companions applauded in awe. That was when a giant, ball-like thingy came crashing through the gates and rolled them up---

But we are getting a bit ahead of ourselves, dear reader(s). Let us go back to the _actual_ beginning of this new chapter.

**::: Sometime earlier that day... :::**

"Wait...I know this..."

Axel rubbed his chin in thought while concentrating on the Superior. The said man rolled his eyes and repeated the action. He continually pointed to himself when Axel's bright green eyes brighten up when he finally understand the action's meaning. "'I'!" he shouted triumphantly. The Superior nodded and then opened his palm at him. He then closed it, then opened it, closed it, opened it...

"Oh, wait...wait...'give'? No, no," Axel said hurriedly, upon seeing the annoyed look on the other man's face. He closed his eyes and massaged his temples, trying to come up with the answer. So far, the only things that are occupying his mental space at the time are Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, and drugs. Lots of drugs. LSD, crack, speed, marijuana, mushrooms...

Speaking of mushrooms..."Oh, I know! 'Want'!" Axel pumped the air with his fist when he earned a nod. He then went back to focusing on the Superior when the dark man proceeded on. This time, he balled up his hand, his thumb placed on the side of the fist.

"'A'," replied Axel with a smile. It was strange that he knew sign language (especially an American one), but he didn't care; he was on a roll.

They were now down to the last word. A drop of sweat trickled down the smooth, shaven side of the Superior's dark face. His white brows are furrowed together in concentration as he searches for a way to explain this last word through body language. Whatever action he chose, it must be a difficult one to interpret at all cost; should Axel win and guess correctly, he'll be forced to go by the name of Mansex for the rest of this mission. Everything was at stake. Here he goes...

The Superior's two hands shot out, palms facing in. He curled his fingers inward, the tips lightly touching. His thumbs swerved down, forming the point. Axel took one look at it and yelled out the winning word: "'Heart'! 'I want a heart!'"

"CURSES!" rumbled the Superior-or who we now must call 'Mansex'-in response. He glared at the laughing red head with a death glare that had once caused others to quiver and shake in their boots. Now, however, the Great Cosmos is a place of poor manners and no order. Death glares are now considered to be humorous, especially when they are sent by someone whose name is an anagram for gay smex. It is pity, really...

"This OOC-ing is really getting out of hand," grumbled Roxas as he stepped out a newly formed portal. He passed by a suddenly happy Axel, ignoring him in the process, and stood in front of the Su-...Mansex. "Sir, what is the mission?"

"Mission...? Oh yes, mission," Mansex coughed loudly in an attempt to regain his composure. "Let us retire then...to the Meeting Room!" He then snapped his fingers, the sound resonating throughout the white-washed room they are currently in.

Suddenly, without any warning, there was a flash of extremely bright rainbow colors. Roxas and Axel shielded their eyes from being blind when darkness took over.

The two lower members of the once united Organization became stranded in midair. They looked about wearily, both wondering if they had fallen into a portal without knowing. That theory was quickly blasted away when they saw Mansex's blown-up face bobbing around in the air. Written words, or rather gibberish tumbled out from his mouth, reading something along these lines:

**MMM PIE WHY ILOVE P I E TH**** E Y AREVE RY GOODA NDDE LICIOU S CANT WAIT FORMO R E TO NIG H T ♥**

Both Roxas and Axel took one look at one another and mouthed their thoughts together: _WTF?!_

They were suddenly transported into the Meeting Room, each sitting in his assigned seat. Mansex, in all of his superior anagram glory, rubbed his chin majestically as he looked down upon his two underlings. "Ah, yes...the katamari is truly a mystery of the world, perhaps even more mysterious than that of the heart. What is it that makes it behave so, allowing objects to stick to it in a very non-sticky manner?" He glanced about at the other ten empty seats, hard and cold from lack of warmth from one's behind.

Roxas sighed. "Perhaps it is not meant to be meddled with then, for the katamari is further than the heart is from your grasp for knowledge."

"Perhaps, Number 13...but unfortunately we must meddle with it, because it is God's wish-"

_This God-person again?_ Roxas and Axel both thought at exactly the same time.

"-and if we are to right the wrongs that we've committed, we therefore must compensate through hard labor. Since I am leader, it is natural that the hard labor should befall those of lesser rank," concluded Mansex, much to the objection of the other Nobodies. However, before either Axel or Roxas could voice their thoughts on this, the dark man lifted one hand majestically as a gesture for silence. He then proceeded on, his deep velvet voice rumbling, "But now to the matters at hand. We, my insignificant Nobodies, have received a mission!

The mission hereby states as follow: As the Organization XIII That Never Was ("Man, this 'technically doesn't exist' thing is getting old fast," grumbled Axel under his breath.), we are to report to a distress call coming from a world known as...Wonderland. It is a colorful and whimsical world, but a warning-it is also a place of unreliable physics and irrefutable illogic. Everything, from the pretty flowers to the pretty people, is a code and a riddle-"

"Whoa, whoa, _whoa_ there, Mansex. Did you say...Wonderland?" Axel asked, his eyes gleaming. Roxas gulped and turned away; he knows that gleam. It was a gleam Number 8 usually has whenever he comes up with an ulterior motive in the great scheme of life or when he was just really high. In this case, it was both. "Wonderland...The land of the 'shrooms, right?"

"If you are talking about those awesomely adorable White Mushrooms that never appeared in our game, then yes. If you are talking about the Black Fungus, then no-they only appear in Agrabah and Halloween Town. If you are talking about the Rare Truffles, then no-they only appear in-"

"Alright, we get it!" yelled Roxas, who summoned a katamari and threw it at Mansex's head in annoyance. The katamari attached itself to the dark man's forehead with a squeak.

Mansex coughed majestically behind one hand. "Yes, moving on...Your mission is to take place in Wonderland. Any questions?"

He was met with silence. Roxas and Axel stared at one another and shrugged. They were both about to open their mouth when Mansex quickly said in conclusion, "Excellent. Well then, tut-tut, cheerio. Number 8, Number 13."

Once again, the two lesser members of the once-organized Organization found themselves falling into suddenly evoked portals, or in Number 13's case, toppling backward due to his katamari thrown back at him by Mansex and connecting with his head. They went through the random flashes of colors and the darkness, reencountered Mansex's oversized head (**OMG L OA DSCRE E N S ARE FUNARE THE YNO T?**) before suddenly finding themselves falling down an enormous hole. There was an obvious time lag, for they traveled at the pace of a Large Body (which, as you know, isn't very fast, unless you've never played Kingdom Hearts before, but then, I question…Why the hell you are even reading this?!). However, the time lag was lifted and soon the two plummeted through the air and crashed against the floor below as hard as you would against the softest of pillows.

This all happened in about three seconds.

Roxas groaned and lifted his head easily, much to his surprise. "What...what happened?" he muttered to himself. He reached up to rub his head when he caught sight of Axel staring at him---

---Or WAS it Axel?

He still had the same wild red spikes and the same shiny green eyes, though not the same black regulation cloak. Instead, Axel now sported a pink with purple stripes zoot suit, complete with a pink and purple fedora and equally pink and purple shoes. On top of that, he had a tail, which flexed on its own in amusement.

"Axel?" asked Roxas nervously as he sit up. He then noticed the other man was keeping suspiciously quiet and that a surprised yet excited look was plastered all over his face. He then realized it was directed right at him.

Roxas gulped nervously and looked down, already having an idea that somehow his appearance had been altered as well. However, whatever he had in mind was not this: Roxas, the Key of Destiny, Number 13 of the ex-Organization, was wearing a dress. A _frilly_ blue dress to be exact, complete with the _frilly _puffed-up sleeves and the _frilly_ white apron whose pockets are way too small to be of any use. He also had on_ frilly_ white knee-socks and polished black dress shoes with golden buttons encased on the strap. To top it all off, there was a_ frilly_ blue ribbon tied onto his head.

"Oh dear God..." he moaned, struggling to stand up. To his horror, he discovered that as he did so, the area between his legs were particularly breezy. He closed his eyes and placed one hand over his hump and yes-he could feel the outline of woman-styled panties, no doubt _frilly_ as well. Roxas groaned and buried his face in his hands. This can't be happening...

"Thank you, God," breathed Axel in ecstasy. He then grinned as how the wolf does when he caught sight of a voluptuous red head from a Droopy cartoon and slowly sauntered over. Roxas' eyes widen in fear and he tried to get away, but then Axel was immediately next to him and then---

"_YOU TWO! THIS IS NOT A YAOI FANFIC UNLESS I PROCLAIM IT TO BE SO!"_ boomed the deep, velvet voice of none other than Mansex, the master of interruptions.

"You're kidding!" yelled Axel in dismay, while Roxas mentally cheered.

Roxas then turned around and swiftly kneed the red haired, pyrokinetic pedophile, who doubled over in pain. Seeing that it was his chance to escape this strange and rather OOC fanfic, Roxas lifted up the skirt of his dress slightly and tried to run down the hallway-path-thingy of the rabbit hole, only to collide against the much hated invisible wall from the previous two games. "You're kidding!" grumbled Roxas as he twitched on the floor.

"_I kid you__ two not. Now, we have much work to do-summon forth your katamari!"_

Once both Roxas and Axel recovered, they grumbled and summoned their handy-dandy notebook (ding!)-…I mean…katamari.

"_Excellent...Now, go forth and combine them together!"_

"If this is as close as we are to having a baby, then let's do this," smirked Axel, who swung his katamari-laden hands together to form one big ball. Roxas grimaced and rolled his eyes at the comment before doing the same. Then, in a flash of light, the two Nobodies pressed their katamaris together and before them stood a black and white katamari twice their height.

"_You both understand the procedure?"_

"No," replied the two blatantly. The sound of a crash echoed throughout the hall, with the only possible explanation being that Mansex had fallen off his seat and crashed to the floor below back at the Castle.

The moment of silence was shattered by a loud cough. _"Just roll, dammit!"_ hissed Mansex. _"Roll the bloody mushrooms up in-"_

"Wait, why the mushrooms?" interrupted Roxas with a raise of his hand. It was his nature to be precise with everything.

Mansex groaned. _"Because, that is our (beep)ing mission, Number 13! Now don't question me any more, for we are running out of precious time and have been delaying the story for long enough! Now, you two are to roll up the mushrooms and do so in-"_

"Hey, after we roll 'em up, can we keep them?" asked Axel excitedly, waving one hand like a loony. When he was met by strained silence, he raised one short eyebrow and crossed his arms. "You said to Roxy about the no question part, okay? Not me."

"_No, you may not. Now-"_

"Why?"

"_Because...just because!"_

"Why, that's not a good answer-"

"_**NUMBER 8, SHUT UP!!!"**_ yelled both Mansex and Roxas in frustration.

Axel shrugged. "Well, it wasn't."

"_AS I WAS SAYING,"_ Mansex seethed through his teeth. _"You are to roll up the mushrooms, as large as you can, all in 5 minutes. If neither of you can accomplish this mission, expect great pain, suffering, and to live here for as long as your non-existent lives can let you."_

Roxas' eyes shot up in fear; Mansex wouldn't dare! Then again, this was the same guy who went out of his way to change his outfit at the very last minute before the final ultimate fight between good and evil-a feat thought impossible and rather pointless. Speaking of that, he rather liked that particular design, with its fancy black swirls as a sort of symbolism for the darkness that consumed them. Maybe he should really talk to Mansex about bringing that back someday-

"_BEGIN!!!"_ boomed Mansex in all of his deep, velvety glory, and he went out without another word.

Or shut up, considering that he wasn't technically there to begin with; Roxas and Axel couldn't care less.

"Let's get this over with," muttered Roxas, placing his hands firmly on the giant katamari. Axel did the same and the two rolled off down the hall way.

All and all, if Roxas may say so himself, the task was a fairly pleasant one. After all, here they are in one of the most gorgeous and beautiful worlds in the Great Cosmos, with a lovely musical track playing in the background (the Chocobo theme, as the author decided, because the chlorine put such pretty pictures in her head that day...) to serve in boosting morale, and looking for mushrooms. Okay, so the mushroom part was something that his partner was interested in, but that wasn't the point; it was the gorgeous and beautiful scenery that makes rolling up a bit more enjoyable---

---Wait a sec, thought Roxas. He narrowed his eyes at a large red flower next to a large boulder beside a large wall of grass blades as he rolled pass by it. Only a few moments later he saw them again.

And again.

And again.

"...Axel? Are we-"

"Going in circles? Yep," finished the redhead with a sigh. He stopped rolling with Roxas following and the katamari came to a dead halt. "I have absolutely no idea why though."

"Well, this is our first time doing this whole partner-rolling, right? I mean, we didn't exactly receive a tutorial on this," muttered Roxas.

"So THAT'S why!"

"Of course."

"And here I thought I was just high."

"...Axel, you're always high..."

"Not until I'm with you," leered the taller Nobody as he leaned over the shorter one, tipping his fedora hat forward in an attempt at sexiness. Unfortunately for him, Roxas was originally designed as an atypical teenage boy, and he easily shunned the older man's advance with a roll of his eyes. "But sex aside, I would like you to know that we have exactly three minutes left, with not a single mushroom."

Roxas blinked. "How...how would you know that?"

"Somehow...there's this really weird trippy time-tracker thingy at the high corner of my-and probably yours as well-peripheral vision."

"Wait-that really weird thing that says 2:59 minutes? Now 2:58? 2:57?"

"Pretty much."

"Oh." Roxas gulped nervously. "Crap, we're screwed."

Axel raised an eyebrow. "Not that I mind, got it memorized?" he leered again with a smirk.

"Too many times," grumbled the blond teen with a huff.

"Aw, baby, you know that it's all love between us," the older man cooed in retaliation.

"For the last time, we're (beep)ing Nobodies-we can't feel!"

"Oh, really? Then explain the-holyshitakemushrooms!!!"

Roxas looked up at his partner, an eyebrow raised in confusion. "Excuse me?"

The redhead stared straight ahead, his eyes suddenly lit up and sparkling like a couple of fireworks at a Disneyland theme park. Roxas followed his partner's view and gasped in joy. Sure enough, dead ahead of them, as a single White Mushroom.

Subtly, the BGM shifted from the Chocobo theme to that of the song 'Hallelujah', and back again.

"Roxas..."

"Axel..."

"LET'S (BEEP)ING DO THIS!" The two yelled at the exact same time. Together, they quickly put both of their hands onto the giant katamari and sped towards the White Mushroom. The said Heartless somehow didn't notice that a very large, black-and-white ball-thingy was bulldozing toward it, which was all and all very good for the two Nobodies trying to bulldoze it down. However, that's because the Mushroom doesn't need to notice, for it knew that it was not going to be bulldoze down. Which, needless to say, but we shall say it nonetheless, was bad and surprising for our two unknowing heroes.

The katamari suddenly stopped just a feet shy of its target. "What the-?!" screamed Axel in non-existential fury. "We're so close!"

"Why?!" moaned Roxas in agony as well. He pushed and pushed with all of his might, but alas! The katamari would not budge! He let go of the katamari and walked around it, wanting to find that stupid Mushroom on the other side and give it a piece of his mind. Frilly-style.

"Hey!"

Oops, author's bad. What she meant to say was Dressy-I mean...Cutesy-style.

"Stop thinking about my dress!"

Aw, but it's such a cute dress! Every girl would die to have one!

"Not to mention every guy would die to get into one," snickered Axel, "if you know what I mean."

In less than 0.5 seconds Roxas' uppercut connected with the redhead's jaw, sending him flying over the tall blades that were the grass. Axel was never seen again.

"Thank God," muttered Roxas with annoyance, and he turned back to his original task. What was it? Oh yes, giving the stupid White Mushroom a piece of his mind-with only a minute and a half left on the clock.

"_One minute and a half left!"_ boomed the overly velvet voice of Mansex. "_Gather those Mushrooms or you will face unspeakable horrors!" _However, as far as Roxas was concerned, he was already facing the 'unspeakable horrors', which came in the forms of a redheaded nymphomaniac, an extremely pompous OOC superior, some sticky balls, and a frilly dress.

Especially the frilly dress.

_Oh well, at least I'll be able to get one Mushroom_, thought Roxas grumpily. He finally poked his head around the giant katamari and glared at the accursed White Mushroom. "Found you, you little (BEEP)," he growled at it.

The White Mushroom stared back at him with astonished yellow eyes, all the while swaying back and forth like a metronome.

Roxas sighed heavily. "How about letting me roll you up, so I can end this stupid game? I only have like...45 seconds left. Please?" the blond pleaded, though not very well due to his being a Nobody and thus failing at body gestures. To his surprise, the Mushroom turned its head to look up as if considering, before nodding. "...For real?"

The blond regretted letting down his guard for that one brief moment of assuming he was out of the woods. As soon as he had asked that, the Mushroom began to pantomime a message. It ran in place, all the while pointing toward a black opening in the wall down the road. A crooked pink sign with the words "TEA PARTY" scribbled in a child's hand writing was set above the door. Roxas took one look at the charade before groaning. "You want me...to chase you?" he whispered.

The Mushroom did a cheer, and disappeared with a poof. Roxas stared at the empty spot with wide eyes and the lower half of his jaw dropping to the floor.

"_20 seconds!"_ Mansex yelled out.

"Shit!" screamed Roxas. He ran back to the other side of the katamari and began to push with all of his might, much to no avail. Or any caring that he had said a bad word several times in a roll, in a T-rated fic. "Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit-!!!"

There was now 15 seconds left on the clock. What Roxas needed now was a miracle---

---That was when something red collided against him, giving him the extra push the young Nobody had needed. The katamari began to roll and eventually picked up speed, heading straight for the "TEA PARTY"...

**::: Now back to the beginning of the story, where we had left off... :::**

"So, as I was saying," the Mad Hatter began, twirling his fingers in a dramatic way, "why IS a raven like a writing desk?"

_Ooh, déjà vu_, thought Luxord as he took a sip of the tea. He then quickly spit it back out---

**---The tea was actually coffee.**

"Some mad tea party it is indeed if you're to start serving coffee now," grumbled Luxord, pouring the dark contents upon the ground.

"Ah, my bad. Here, try this." The March Hare randomly grabbed a teapot and poured into another randomly grabbed teacup. He handed it to the blond man who had sat down with them since who knows when with a little toss. The teacup spun on the flying saucer which it came with and was caught by Luxord, who didn't bother to catch the saucer as well. The saucer disappeared into the bush.

Luxord sipped daintily and spit the liquid back out. "Coke?! What the---?!"

"Hmm...Nope, maybe this." The Mad Hatter grabbed a particularly large teapot with an equally large tea cozy. He struggled with it, poured it into another cup, and handed the cup to Luxord.

He took one look at it and poured it on the ground. "...Milk."

"Whoops. Here!"

"...Orange juice..."

"Maybe this one?"

"...Water."

"Well, that's one part down. Now all we need is the tea bag. In the meanwhile, here."

"...It's the bloody Dormouse."

"Twinkle, twinkle little bat," squeaked the Dormouse sleepily as it stumbled out of the cup and onto the table. It swayed to and fro as it walked, stopped in front of the random teapot. It climbed in and fell into the liquid with a plop, the lid falling neatly back into place. The two men and one rabbit watched keenly the whole time. Their waiting paid off; one minute later the mouse rocketed out of the teapot with a maniacal yell. It whizzed about in the air as if it was some rocket with crack as fuel, all the while singing/screaming, "TWINKLE, TWINKLE WHAT THE (BEEP)!"

Luxord and his companions applauded in awe. That was when a White Mushroom appeared out of nowhere on the table, spilling over many of the teapots and cups.

The March Hare glanced over at his partner. "Did you invited him?"

"I thought you did," replied the Mad Hatter with a sniff. "You always did bring the rudest friends about."

That was when a giant, ball-like thingy came crashing through the gates and rolled them up. Along with Luxord, who at that moment had found the correct cup that actually had tea.

"Bullocks," muttered the blond, goatee-wearing Nobody when he was suddenly blinded by an array of bright, flashy, extremely gay display of colors.

* * *

"Hmm, what do we have here?" 

Roxas sighed inaudibly and wavered slightly. It had been a long and trippy day. Thankfully, he was finally out of the godforsaken dress and back in his uniform, even though he did felt a slight-SLIGHT-remorse at losing the feeling of no restriction in his nether region. Just a bit. It wasn't as if he was attached to it. Nuh-uh. Of course not.

"...Number 13..."

Nope, he wasn't attached to it at all.

"...What is that, in your hand?"

Roxas looked down and stared at the white, frilly bundle in his hand impassively. He then looked up at Mansex and gave a shrug.

Mansex stared blankly at his young subordinate and turned away, deciding not to question the matter further. "Anyways...let's review, shall we?" The large four-in-one katamari appeared in mid air and floated above Mansex's enlarged hand. "Hmm...I must say...I am most displeased. Here you have a fine, large katamari, and yet nothing to cover it. Except for this puny little Mushroom-" he pointed menacingly to prove his displeasure, "-this katamatari feels most...bare. Empty. Nothingness. However, I suppose that emptiness is a human emotion as well, is it not? Like when your beloved left you behind at home without saying a single word. And not only that, but he also forgot to leave dinner! He didn't make any dinner, so how was one supposed to eat?! Did he expect me to starve while he is out doing whatever it is he is doing, that no-good, bitchy, whiney, self-centered, blue-haired wh-"

For some unknown reason, Mansex stopped and caught himself before he could unveil any other disturbing facts. Or perhaps, it had something to do with Number 13's look, with his eyes nearly popping out and becoming deadly pale; a classic 'WTF' face mixed with a 'TMI' look.

The enlarged Nobody coughed loudly and continued on. "Like I was saying, emptiness and nothingness-both synonyms and states of emotion, and emotions do make up the heart. So therefore, I would like to conclude that...Oh, I forgot something." He moved his other hand, hidden by the shadow, and revealed a man with the most bewildered look upon his face. "Ah, goodness, Number 10, what were YOU doing, rolled up in this katamari?"

Number 10, Luxord, stared up wildly at the large mug that was his ex-Superior's face and then at Roxas, who shrugged grimly. The goatee man looked back at Mansex and quivered slightly.

"What? You were just minding your own business and paying your old friends a visit, all the while trying to get some tea, when a strange, outlandish ball came out of nowhere, rolled up your friends, the strange Mushroom that had interrupted your party, AND you as well, just as you had finally found tea?" mused Mansex as he tossed the katamari around. Luxord glanced back at Roxas with a curious look, at which Roxas merely shrugged again. However, as Luxord turned his attention back to Mansex, on the lines of complimenting the dark man's incredible insight, he was shunned by him. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Much to Roxas' amusement, Luxord face-vaulted to the floor.

"But let us continue...with what is not much to continue. Therefore, I thus approve this near empty katamari..." he trailed off, as if trying to make the mood more suspenseful. As usual, no one cared, except for Luxord, who was new to this sort of thing. "...Of being a heart of a world!"

He had boomed the last part, making the two Nobodies jumping out of their skin, and chuckled in amusement.

As before, Mansex tossed the katamari up into the sky, where it flew past the atmosphere and into the great voids of space. A bright light appeared, the katamari changed, yada yada yada...

"Lo and behold...**Meaningless Moon of the Thirteenth Cosmic that Never Was,**" Mansex said with a wave of his hand at the new star, a dull, black and white...round-thing covered in a checkered pattern.

"What the hell?" asked Roxas, once he was allowed to speak.

"It was named after you."

"...May I repeat: What. The. Hell?"

"Ah, Number 13," sighed Mansex with all of his exaltedness, "you will never understand the great workings of the mind of a genius."

"And thank God too," muttered Roxas underneath his breath.

"Oh yes...about your punishment." Roxas looked up, gulping nervously. The dark Nobody stared at him long and hard, which seemed to last about nine seconds or so. "At least you got a Mushroom," he finally said with a sigh. "Just be sure to next time **try** a bit harder and get some work done?"

"Yes, sir."

"And do tell Axel that he's due for a punishment should he return?"

"Of course, sir." With pleasure, thought Roxas evilly. A hurt Axel was a good Axel in his books.

(That was not kinkiness, by the way, the author would like to state.)

("Suuuuuuuurrrrreeee it isn't… **;p**" the Beta snickered behind said author's back.)

"Good, you may go." At that command, Roxas disappeared in a portal. Mansex sighed again and too enveloped himself in a portal, but not before muttering, "The next time I see Axel, I'm going to kill him." The great, black, empty space was empty once more.

"...Hello?" Luxord called out. The darkness seemed to swallow his voice up, preventing an echo from forming. "Um...I'm still here...and what's going on exactly? Ah, bullocks."

**::: Meanwhile... :::**

"Crap."

Axel scratched his head and sighed. He was back at the red flower-for the thousandth time. "I swore that I made that left turn at the rock..."

_And so ends...DAY FOUR._

_

* * *

_

**Next time on Dragon Ball-I mean...Katamari Hearts:**

Roxas vs. Lexaeus

Superior vs. bright colors

Luxord vs. extreme confusion

Axel vs...wait-he's still stuck in Wonderland. Hmm...

(Or IS he? Dun Dun Duuun...**Olympus Coliseum!!! **XP)


End file.
